Are We There Yet?: The In BeTWEEN Years

The tween years can feel like a quiet shift until suddenly, everything seems to be changing. In this episode, Presley and Val take a step back to look at what’s really going on beneath the surface of what is typically an awkward stage of development where your child is not the same little kid you've been raising, and not the teen you've been anticipating.  They're simply a "tween".

From physical changes to growing emotions, evolving friendships, and a deepening spiritual awareness, we explore how this stage of development is shaping your child, your relationship with them, and their relationship with God. More than anything, we focus on how staying connected to our children and rooted in Christ through these changes can make all the difference.

If you’ve ever wondered what your tween needs most in this in-between season, this conversation will give you a fresh perspective and a lot to think about.

CDC Milestone Tracker App: https://www.cdc.gov/act-early/milestones-app/index.html

BabySparks - Developmental Tracker & Online Learning for Parents: https://babysparks.com/

Harvard's Center for the Developing Child: Three Core Concepts in Early Development: https://developingchild.harvard.edu/resources/videos/three-core-concepts-in-early-development/

Building Social-Emotional Skills at Home: https://www.naeyc.org/our-work/families/building-social-emotional-skills-at-home

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:02

Welcome to the Whole Person Parenting Podcast. We're here to have honest conversations about how to follow Jesus and parent kids in a whole person way. For more content and encouragement, as we support you on your journey, you can find us on Instagram, YouTube, and wherever you get your podcast. We're so glad you're here. Now let's jump in. Hey everyone, welcome back to the whole person parenting podcast. Uh thank you guys for being here with us today. Um we are continuing in our series called Are We There Yet? Um kind of like a road trip through uh the different stages of development and ages and all the things that come with it. So um we're thankful that you guys are here. Very, very thankful. Yeah. And uh how's your week been? It's been busy, you know. Mine kind of flew by though. Like I didn't feel like it drug on. No, not at all. Which was nice. I was busy, just but it kind of just clicking through. Yeah. Yep. It was eventful though. I mean, yeah, a lot of time. Thanks for asking. You're welcome. Yeah. You're very welcome. Yeah. Um well so we're talking today about the tween years. Yeah. I was just thinking like this is an awkward start, which is perfect. Because it's an awkward stage. It's an awkward stage. So it feels like we're like paying tribute to the age. We kind of are.

SPEAKER_00 1:34

Maybe it's like a little awkward stage. A little a little parallel process here. That's hilarious. Uh just to just lean into the awkward. Yeah. We're gonna be talking about the tween age years. Yeah, really awkward.

SPEAKER_01 1:47

And and I feel like it's one of those that you like see people, like, well, I guess now. Yeah. Um, looking at people that are in the tween age, you look at them and you're like, oh, I just feel for you.

SPEAKER_00 1:58

I know.

SPEAKER_01 1:59

Yeah. Yeah, you're you're through such an awkward phase. You just kind of can't help but like feel sorry. I know. Just because I remember what it's like. Yeah, because I feel I feel their pain a little bit. I think anyone who's been through it already. Who's been through the tween age feels like, oh, I wouldn't, I probably wouldn't go back to that time. No. If I could choose one like one era, one era of my life to go to, it would not be that one.

SPEAKER_00 2:23

Yeah. I agree. And I found myself as we were talking about like as we were preparing for this episode, feeling like what I noticed was I was like, I I like I struggle to want to remember the the tween years.

SPEAKER_01 2:37

Um it's kind of one of those you want to put in the back of your mind and forget about.

unknown 2:41

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 2:43

But they're so important.

SPEAKER_01 2:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:45

So yeah. They are the real what was it like for you for your tween years? Like what stands out to you?

SPEAKER_01 2:53

Big thing was I remember like I hit puberty earlier than most people and hit puberty at like age nine or ten, which is it within the tween years, because we're defining that more around like nine to twelve. Maybe into thirteen a little bit. Yeah. Um, and I remember do you remember I had that horrible like under-the-skin acne on my forehead? Yeah. That was so awful, and like my hair completely changed. Yeah. It got really randomly oily. Yeah. And it was really frustrating because we were like trying and trying to help my hair. And around the same time, I got my hair like bleached for the first time. I don't know why like my physical features are the first thing that came to my mind. But I think that's often the what happens kind of thing. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:39

Yeah. Is that there is so much happening physically, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:42

Where I got my hair dyed for the first time, but then also got my hair chemically burned around that same time. Yeah. That was very frustrating. It like took set my hair back years. It's very sad.

SPEAKER_00 3:56

It's very yeah, I know that was hard.

SPEAKER_01 3:58

It was so hard.

SPEAKER_00 3:59

I know.

SPEAKER_01 4:00

And I was like, I develop I mean, I developed so much quicker than everyone else. Like, yeah. I was considered like the tall girl in elementary school. And I'm like very average height. Like I'm like probably more on the short side. I don't know about that. I mean I'm not even listening to my short. So now, but I probably had been I've been five five probably since like eighth grade.

SPEAKER_00 4:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:25

Like I haven't grown. Yeah. So you were a fourth and fifth grader. Yeah.

unknown 4:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:31

Anyways, so I remember mostly physical changes. I remember, you know, you start middle school. I got into a weird like black hoodie phase where I only wore like black hoodies and jeans. I remember feeling really insecure a lot. Trying to figure out what like what was funny to people, like how to talk to people. Yeah. Um, I always was someone that connected better with adults because I understood adults better and knew how to talk to them and had a hard time talking to people my own age, which I would say has gotten better now. But um yeah, that's what kind of what I think of when I think of, but overall, like a pretty difficult time. Like kind of just uncomfortable. And like looking back now, I laugh because I'm like, oh, I was so dorky.

SPEAKER_00 5:24

I was so dorky. I think we all were in the I think that's the commonality of the tween years is like it's hard to be a cool bad. Although they're they are, but I'm just saying, like, for them to feel that.

SPEAKER_01 5:35

I remember I don't know why this is coming to my mind, but I remember specifically that there was this girl in probably sixth grade, which is tween. That's like 11, 12. Yeah. And she got a perm. Oh, yeah. But she lied every single day and said that she just had braided her hair the night before. Oh, I wonder why. Because she wore why she didn't just like it. Well, because around that time, that was when all the boys were perming their hair. Oh, so she's like doing like permanent. She didn't want to be like, oh, you just want to be like one of the boys, like your hair permed. Yeah, I would not have thought of that. I know. I was really I don't know why that's sticking out to me, but I remember thinking, like, that's really weird. Yeah. Like, why are you pretending? Yeah. Like you just braided your hair every day. And everyone knew that she had just gotten a perm. Yeah. But so what were your teenage or tweeners?

SPEAKER_00 6:33

Tween years like. Yeah, my tween years were tumultuous, is what I would is what I would call them. Um, I just remember there being oh, there was such an emphasis on like couples and boys and you know, girls and boys like you know, coupling up. It was like the first time that we it was going beyond like just like, will you be my girlfriend or will you be my boyfriend? Which is crazy because you're so young. So young, but at the same time, it was like people were feeling like they were getting in like serious relationships. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:08

I remember my first boyfriend was fourth grade. His name was Troy. Yep. And you had your first boyfriend. What was his name? Spike.

SPEAKER_00 7:16

That was my first boyfriend. That was in pre-school. Oh, that doesn't count. Yeah. My, yeah, well, I had I had a crush, like a longtime crush that was a kind of an off and on boyfriend. But anyway, it was it was just really um like trying to figure that out and feeling like we, you know, we had all these like changes going on, you know, like with our bodies, with growing really tall, like the girls being way taller than the boys, and except for me, and um, but in general, a lot of them getting taller than the boys, and then um, yeah, I think just the boys' voices, you know, sometimes changing, or like all of a sudden one of them was really big or had a mustache, you know, like too early. Yeah. You're just like, whoa. Where did that come from? So yeah, I just remember that um a lot. And so I think I do think that most people think mostly about the physical changes of the tween years and then the and the awkwardness of those physical changes because it can like make kids clumsy and it can, you know, make them awkward or kind of flailing around, or it seems like they're like a kid inside, but then they have like these bigger bodies that like where you're like you shouldn't be acting like that anymore. But like they were just like a little kid, you know, yesterday. Yeah. And all of a sudden they look like an older, yeah, you know, an older kid or an older, like getting into the teenage years. So um, yeah, that's that's what stands out to me. Um, are just some of those things. I think academic, academically, things started getting harder, you know, around that time. Um, but yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:00

So I feel like a lot of it is is social change, I feel like in a lot of ways. Because even with the physical stuff, it's like, okay, well, how is this gonna affect my my social life too? Yeah. Um, so there's like this new awareness of like also like who's liked and who's not liked, kind of thing. Yeah. That wasn't really a a thing as much. It's more of like, okay, why is this person so well liked? And these people aren't, you know.

SPEAKER_00 9:29

Right. Yeah. Well, and that's making me think about the the um the cognitive development that's happening, and that's the um that metacognition, that thinking about thinking and realizing like that I have my thoughts about things, and your thoughts about things may be different than my thoughts about things. And um and so then I have now this new awareness of my own thoughts and of what your perceptions might be. So me trying to figure out like what's going on with you. That's interesting. Yeah, and so thinking not been on board before this.

SPEAKER_01 10:07

But thinking about other people's thoughts as well. Yeah. Just thinking about what are you thinking about.

SPEAKER_00 10:11

Right. You having exactly me thinking, what are you thinking? Well, I'm thinking about exactly a lot of overthinking that can that can begin, which makes a lot of sense because this is, you know, we see like um, you know, other mental health kind of things coming on, like anxiety, um, depression, you know, starting to increase in these years, and especially around age 12. I remember I remember working um at an agency at one point in my career, and um we were looking at uh the like stats, and we saw that the most common age of of uh clients out of thousands of clients was 12. Really? There were more 12-year-olds in services than any other age. And so I can understand how that happens though. I mean, like you've got you've got this metacognition coming on, and you've got this awareness of other people's thoughts, their perceptions of you. You have um you have also like the the differences like but that transition between my parents being really important, my family being really important to me, and then toward my peers being more important that really takes off in the teen years, that autonomy.

SPEAKER_01 11:29

Right. But this and this is like a precursor to that, right?

SPEAKER_00 11:32

This is the tr the pivotal moments, the pivotal point uh time where time frame where that's happening, where it's like I'm transitioning from you being so important and other people. So then there's lots of uh, you know, feelings like that for parents, um, especially if you haven't gone through this before. Yeah, um if you didn't navigate it well.

SPEAKER_01 11:52

Yeah, it didn't do it well.

SPEAKER_00 11:53

Right.

SPEAKER_01 11:54

Because I feel like in our relationship, I feel like I definitely withdrew during those years.

SPEAKER_00 12:02

Oh yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_01 12:03

Yeah, and we're as like previously we were like always and always together. And like I would say just like and I'm sure you experienced this too with your mom, but yeah, like even asking like the simplest questions would like make me upset. Right. And like even asking like how was your day at school? And I'm like, I don't want to talk about it, you know, just don't ask me questions. I basically I want to talk to you on my terms, not you on your terms, which is I mean, now we would realize oh, that's so selfish. Like you can't just I mean, but developmentally, yeah, they don't understand that like like uh tweens can't understand that or like realize that uh it feels intrusive all of a sudden instead of caring.

SPEAKER_00 12:49

Yeah, I think it feels intrusive instead of caring. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 12:51

Like I have this separate world from you. Yes, that I know that they have that in elementary, yeah, but it felt I mean, even if you think about like elementary age, what do they always want to take home to mom? Yeah. Like their arts and crafts, they want to take it home to dad. I'm gonna draw this for my mom. Like they're it's almost like they're with them, you're with them at school. Right. But and in you know, later elementary, fifth grade, sixth grade, that's when it becomes I have my separate life from you, and I don't want you to control it or control on it.

SPEAKER_00 13:23

Right. And um so it feels like rejection to the parents is the problem sometimes, you know, it can't be.

SPEAKER_01 13:30

And understandably so. I mean, I mean it's like Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:32

If you're not prepared for it, if you feel like if you're like, man, this is coming out of nowhere, this is why talking about development's important, because all of a sudden, this child who's been like really close to me and been open to telling me everything and like including me in their lives, they suddenly don't have the same interest in me being me being a part of it. And so then that can feel like, what if what's happened to my baby? What's happened to my child? They're like a different person. And and I remember just as a as a um as a therapist, um, I don't hear this as I don't see as many in that age range. I kind of see older age or really or young age at this point. I have some a few teenagers, but he but I heard over and over again like it's like they're a different person. Yeah, and that is that's uh disturbing, you know, it's worrisome. You're like, oh, I don't know what I don't want our I don't want to lose our relationship.

SPEAKER_01 14:25

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we as we were kind of doing some research on this too, we saw that like it's very common in this age to kind of to kind of see that like uh that they're a different person and that they're trying to figure out who they're going to be and who they are. Yeah. And so they try on these different hoodie phase. Yeah, exactly. They try on these different personas and I had my black hoodie phase and uh try on these different okay, what is my style gonna be? How how uh is my humor? Like, what do I what am I interested in? Like what kind of um friends am I gonna have? Are they gonna share similar interests with me? Things like that. What sport do I want to play? What uh what thing do I want to be involved in? Yeah. And then you identify with those things. Right. Um, and so that's where like this kind of feeling of like I don't know who this is anymore is because they're they're trying to figure it out. Right. Um, yeah, and so maybe you can talk about is the role of the parent in that to be like, let me remind you of who you are, or is it to just let them figure it out and love them through it? Or like what does that feel like?

SPEAKER_00 15:28

I mean, I think it's it's being it's being supportive. I think reminding them from a Christian perspective, reminding them that they are that they are loved by God, that they are created with purpose, yeah, that they have their root identity, yeah, that they have value and that they um that you know that surrounding themselves with you know wise people is is wise, but it's really picking your timing, like picking your times that you can you can't say as soon as they get off the bus being like, are those good friends? Are those coming across critical, coming across across um like too harsh about whatever choices they're making or what they're trying, um, you know, that is probably gonna backfire. Yeah, and so it's push them away rather than it's like so it's it's that it's it's get making your guidance more gentle and maybe a little less direct. So, you know, living out what it is you want them to do, really modeling what that is and continuing to connect with them because the thing is is that when parents feel rejected by their child, they can sometimes do, um, you know, in response to that, reject the child. Yeah. And so I feel rejected by you, now I'm going to reject you, and now this becomes a barrier between us whenever really it's developmentally driven. It's not because it's a break in the relationship. It's not personal. No.

SPEAKER_01 16:53

Um, and so connecting to it might not look the same as it did. Right. Like connecting might look just like watching their favorite movie with them, or something that they're showing interest in, taking them to like, okay, if this your your son is really interested in like cars all of a sudden, right? Yeah. Like and taking the car show. Taking to a car show. Yeah. Yeah. Daughters really interested in musical theater, take her to a play, like uh or a musical and things like that. Like supporting them through the interest, and then like I feel like I remember so many of our good conversations in that time happened after we had had a good moment together, like the ones that were meaningful and not the ones that just happened like because I was trying to like force conversation or yeah, or yeah, trying to figure out what was wrong with me. Or I can tell something's up, but you're not wanting to talk to me. And I didn't, yeah. I didn't want to talk to anyone. Yeah, I don't want to talk to anyone. I want to talk to yeah, I know I didn't. I didn't and genuinely I couldn't have given a reason for it. Yeah, it just felt like I don't want to talk to anyone right now. I don't want to be able to figure out my own emotions, and you know, there I there really is no good explanation, and so I guess the encouragement too is like the like if you are like a parent of a teen tween, like you're not alone, like it's every tween.

SPEAKER_00 18:16

Yeah, everyone's feeling like this to some degree. Um it when you're talking about the emotions, that reminded me of of that um how emotional, like emotional awareness or in even intensity grows, but it grows faster at this age than it does than than the the child's ability to regulate those emotions. So it actually outpaces like the the intensity of emotion spikes and outpaces the ability for the child to regulate. So they have almost too many emotions that they can't actually exactly they can't actually have the capacity for it. No, and so I think giving them grace in that too, and I mean obviously you're you're gonna set boundaries and be like, what is an appropriate way to express, but also understanding that like they are overwhelmed with um hormones, with emotions, with a lots of changes all happening at once in their brain and their body. I mean, literally everything, they're having like a total overhaul. Yeah. Um, oh yeah. And I just thought about the fact that um during this time that you have something called pruning in your in the brain, and it happens around age two, and then it happens again around age 12, which would be in these tween years. Yeah. And essentially whatever is getting used the most is what stays, and whatever has not been used goes. And so if you have made, you know, whatever your experiences are, whatever like neural connections you've made over the over that time between between two and twelve, whatever's happened the most and has been the most used is what is going to be sticking with the child. So it's really important, even in these tween years, to, you know, have positive experiences, to reiterate um, you know, self, their their self-worth and boost, boost that, boot their self-c boost their self-confidence because it's about to, it's about they're about to have a shift where they have this pruning of anything, this you it is use it or lose it situation that's gonna happen in their brains. Um and so yeah, that's happening at that time too.

SPEAKER_01 20:26

Yeah. I think, I mean, it's just reminding me, even the language um of of pruning is something that like we use a lot in in the Christian world as well. Yeah, yeah. And like the this idea of like refining um that the Lord does, and that uh He He prunes the things that He He doesn't want and grows the things that He does in you and that He sees. And so I mean uh John John 15, you know, talking about the the vine and it says Um Abide in me and I in you, as the branch cannot bear much fruit by itself unless it abides in the vine, neither can you unless you abide in me. I am the vine, you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I and him and I in him, he is it that bears much fruit for apart from me that you can do not you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide in me, here's it where it's talking about the pruning, he is thrown away like a branch and withers. And the branches are gathered, thrown into a fire and burned. And so it's kind of that same idea, and I feel like it applies too, and like the the Lord is like intentionally like designed this development stage to prune.

SPEAKER_00 21:37

How can parents help cultivate the the fruit, right? Because kids don't live on their own, they live in a family.

SPEAKER_01 21:46

Yeah, then there's new ones growing. And is it gonna be a growing of bad things? Or is it gonna be growing of good things? Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_00 21:54

Absolutely. And what we think about like putting what are you putting in the soil of um that they're Growing from. You know, that's what that's what parents are meant to do. They're they're supposed to be building a nutrient-rich sort of environment for the child, right? That they, and we talk about nutrient-rich. Um, I think we've talked about this before, but the way I think about it is, you know, when you have those ingredients of emotional availability, when you have nurturance, which is really supporting the child to like do things that they've not done before, like have new experiences, go for it, try out for the team, you know, um talk to the talk to the friend uh that you're interested in becoming friends with, invite them somewhere, you know, take those chances and you do they do that with your nurturance and your support to do those things. And then, you know, comfort when they need you and when they show you need for comfort, you go ahead and comfort them. And whenever you sense that they need comfort, because in this age, they may be showing you like, I don't want you near me, but they still need you. And so, like going to them is being like, hey, I think, you know, it looks like you just need need some time. Like, let's just, I'm just gonna hang out with you. Can we just hang out? You know, let's or let's do something you want to do. Um, and then lastly, protection, boundaries. Like, there is never, we've talked about this before, but never in history has there been so many things like at your child's disposal. Sorry, somebody's calling me. Um, never has there been so many things at your child's disposal. And this is also the time whenever parents end up getting um, you know, phones for their kids. This is, we've talked about this in other episodes, but this is a time where you may think, okay, they're not going to be looking at things, but really like the the statistics say that they're, you know, kids are starting to experiment with um sexual identity and sexual behavior and drugs and alcohol between age nine and 10. Like that is actually very common. And so when we're thinking about um even protection being one of those nutrients that is including setting boundaries for the child, making sure they're safe, making sure that, you know, they don't need their phone all the time, even if they have one, that maybe they don't need an internet browser on their phone. They don't need to have access to things. You need to check all of those apps because all of those apps are not safe. Even if they look like harmless games, they're there may be pathways and gateways to, you know, different, different dangerous um things there. So, like just understanding that even though they may be pulling away from you and even though they might seem like they don't need you right now, they like need you more than ever because this is an important time where those nutrients are still going into the ground and things are gonna grow from that. And are they gonna be things that are fruitful? What kind of fruit are they gonna bear?

SPEAKER_01 24:43

Yeah, yeah. Uh, I feel like even in saying that, I feel like um I almost wonder if I'm I was I was thinking about the parable of the sower. I mean, I'm just talking about the seed. Um, but I almost wonder if like the Lord has given you this child. It's almost like it's a seed to be planted, and therefore the parent is the soil. And so in this season of like between years, like which soil are you gonna be? Yeah. Like, are you going to be the one that's hardened to where you can't like I'll just read it. Um and so it's uh Matthew 13. So the same day Jesus went out of the house and sat beside the sea, and great crow crowds gathered about him, so that he got into a boat and sat down, and the whole crowd stood on the beach, and he told them many things in parables, saying, A sower went out to sow, and as he sowed, some seeds fell along the path, and the birds came and devoured them. Other seeds fell on rocky ground, where they did not have much soil, and immediately they sprang up, since they had no depth of soil. But when the sun rose they were scorched, and since they had no root, they withered away. Other seeds fell among thorns, and the thorns grew up and choked to them. Other seeds fell on good soil and produced grain, some hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty. He has who has ears, let him hear. Wow.

SPEAKER_00 26:08

I'm just like, wow, that's getting like a relation of like are you like in parenthood, like you can either choke and and smother in in absolutely like like authority. Either an abusive behavior or not giving them what they need, or yeah, or you can or being overbearing or critical or harsh.

SPEAKER_01 26:34

Yeah, yeah. Or there's the the rocky soil that gets scorched by the sun. Yeah. Um because uh there was no depth of relationship, and there was also no awareness of of the heat, right almost.

SPEAKER_00 26:48

No awareness of the like of what's coming down on what's coming down on yeah, yeah. And and maybe not even maybe even not grounded in what and re being rooted in what really needs to they need to re-root it in. Yeah. You know, a faith in Christ, a faith in God that that is uh is really the one who sustains us in putting our faith in things that don't actually give life and don't actually sustain. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:12

And then there's the I mean, there's the one on the path who just kind of I would even say like that's like the one that just drifts away and then the the parents do nothing about it. Like they don't choose after them. Yeah. Um, but like the Lord's I guess the Lord's heart is that there would be fruit from this season. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. That it he they would, you know, be able to multiply, yeah, and and grow. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:44

And it makes so much sense because, you know, that this would be the time because there um there is, you know, the teenage years, we you know, we so often think about the teenager like, oh, wait till the teenager. Yeah, and then kind of thing. Yeah, that's where the switch gets flipped. But actually the switch gets flipped earlier than that. Like the switch is flipping during the tween years, and you know, you have a lot to do with how that goes. And um, not to say that kids don't have their own, you know, ability to make their own decisions, but you know, when you're um, you know, if you take this time as like, you know, if they pull away from you, then it's rejecting you, or if you just passively allow this time to go, then what opportunity are you missing out on? Because they're about to go into a season of like straight up autonomy. I do not, I want to be my own person. I'm pulling away from you. I am preparing to leave the nest. I am preparing to go out on my own. And so by the time they get to those teen years where their, you know, their drive for autonomy is really strong, then um, you know, what what are they taking with them? What fruit? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or will they bear? Yeah. That's really good. Press. Yeah. Thanks.

SPEAKER_01 29:01

I just thought of it. I mean the Lord gave it to me. Yeah. Thank you, Jesus. Yeah. Um, but yeah, I think it's just it's a really weird time. Um, but it can be a very special time if you let it be. Absolutely. Instead of something that you dread. Like it just like switching that that perspective in your brain and being like, ah. Look at what I get to I get to look how I get to steward my my little seed. Yeah. And this and and it's so mu it's so much less about the seed. I know. And it's so much more about the soil. It is. Because like we said earlier, like this this seed, like every every kid is gonna be a few. It grows in a context of whatever soil it's in. Yes, yeah. And so are you like, yes, it's not even the seed itself, every because every kid goes through this. Right. And so they're they're no different, you know. Yeah. This is like a it's just a normal seed. Yeah. But the soil was what affects it.

SPEAKER_00 29:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:58

Uh yeah. Because we're all creating God's image.

SPEAKER_00 30:01

And so we all, yeah, it's it's how's it, how's it being, how's it being nurtured, you know, how's it being developed, and what's it developing in? And I I was thinking about the um just like the the contrast of like how awkward this face can be, like what we started talking about in the beginning, and like how awkward it can look and and how parents could just be like, oh, you know, I can't wait till they're out of this really awkward. This is really bad. Because this is hard.

SPEAKER_01 30:33

We didn't even talk about MSW.

SPEAKER_00 30:35

Oh, yeah, we did not. We'll talk about that in a second. Yeah, but but I was thinking about like, well, let's go ahead. Let's talk about MSW first.

SPEAKER_01 30:43

Okay, well, okay, so in our family, we described this syndrome in this yes, the syndrome. No, this season. We had a little diagnosis as a diagnosis um of what we called MSW, which stands for middle school weirdness. Yeah. And so whenever we me and Braden would do something weird, we were like, oh, that's the MSW coming up. Something happened. We're getting a little MSW. You know, you need to stop that. And we just diagnosed it as middle school weirdness. We did. That was that was what we called the awkwardness. It was the awkwardness.

SPEAKER_00 31:17

And it was and like the weird jokes and faces and oh, all the cringe things that were happening. But because it is so cringy, you're like, you might want, you might want to kind of look away, and you might want to kind of you know, um, you know, not that you don't love your child, but but also just be kind of waiting for it to be them to be through, because you also know how uncomfortable it is for them because we've all been through it, you know, all the adults have been through this already. And so um I think, you know, I want to encourage parents too to to like find like see the beauty in it and and how important it is for for you to find beauty in it, because um, I mean one of the one of the stats that we found too was that um that a girl's self-image peaks, their self-esteem peaks at nine years old, yeah, and then declines from there, from there, and rapidly declines by age 12. Yeah. So this is exactly that time. Like your daughters need you to tell them who they are. They need you, they need you to tell them. So to answer your question from earlier, too, they need you to tell them that you they are beautiful, that they are precious, that they are special, that they are of worth and value and uh intrinsic value, that that it doesn't just come from the way that they look or their um desirability um from the opposite sex, that that's not what they're for, and that God has created them with purpose, you know, and um and along those same lines, like that your your boys need to know that it's okay to be sensitive, that it's okay to be emotional, that emotions are given by God, and there's no wrong emotions for a boy to have, that that God is is has experienced all the emotions and has given us all the emotions that we experience. And that it's actually yeah, they're a gift, and it's there, there's it's it's beautiful. And so as they're experiencing all these more emotions than they've ever had before to help them name those emotions, to be like, oh, I think you might be feeling, you know, disgusted here. I mean, you might be feeling embarrassed. You them this might be, you know, uh and and how do I help you navigate that? Like not to squash it, but just to be like, how do you kind of you know have that feeling and then recover from that feeling because they need your help in that stage too? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:46

That's okay.

SPEAKER_00 33:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:50

All right. Well, the tween.

SPEAKER_00 33:54

Yeah. I just want to encourage parents to um, you know, don't give up on them.

SPEAKER_01 34:02

Yeah. Because the seed turns into a beautiful little flower. It's going to grow and it's going to bloom into a beautiful flower. Thank you. And that is our encouragement.

SPEAKER_00 34:20

That was a little bit of it.

SPEAKER_01 34:23

It still comes out sometimes. Doesn't it? I just embrace it.

SPEAKER_00 34:27

I as well.

SPEAKER_01 34:29

As do I. But I am able to enjoy the cringe instead of actually cringing.

SPEAKER_00 34:35

I definitely enjoy the cringe. Oh, I love the cringe. So funny.

SPEAKER_01 34:38

Anyway. Anyways, yeah. Thank you guys for listening. Uh I mean, I'm sure this some of this will bleed over into the teen age years. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 34:46

But the tween are important in some. Very important. They're more important than we might realize. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:54

Very important. Hashtag myth debunked. That's right. Thank you. Man, she's knocking it out of the parts today. I love it. I love the hand signal. Debunked debunked. Oh my goodness. Okay, we're gonna end it there. This gets any better. All right, we'll see you guys next time. And watching it. If you don't follow us on Instagram, go give us a follow. Follow us on YouTube, subscribe, and you know, you can listen. Oh my goodness, see, I knew this was gonna keep on happening. Smash that like button. We'll see you next time. Bye. Bye.