They Not Like Us... and That's the Point

As parents, we all want our children to see others the way God does, but how do we teach them to notice differences without fear, discomfort, or judgment? In this episode, we explore how diversity reflects God's creativity and design, and why helping our children recognize and appreciate differences is an important part of their spiritual and relational growth.

From navigating conversations about people who look, think, or live differently than we do, to modeling Christlike love and curiosity. Join us as we consider how parents can raise children who see every person as someone made in the image of God.

CDC Milestone Tracker App: https://www.cdc.gov/act-early/milestones-app/index.html

BabySparks - Developmental Tracker & Online Learning for Parents: https://babysparks.com/

Harvard's Center for the Developing Child: Three Core Concepts in Early Development: https://developingchild.harvard.edu/resources/videos/three-core-concepts-in-early-development/

Building Social-Emotional Skills at Home: https://www.naeyc.org/our-work/families/building-social-emotional-skills-at-home

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:02

Welcome to the Whole Person Parenting Podcast. We're here to have honest conversations about how to follow Jesus and parent kids in a whole person way. For more content and encouragement as we support you on your journey, you can find us on Instagram, YouTube, and wherever you get your podcasts. We're so glad you're here. Now let's jump in. Hey everyone, welcome back to the Whole Person Panting Podcast. Um we're so thankful that you would join us today. Uh it's a rainy day outside, so it's very cozy inside, so we're happy to be filming. Yes. And together we had to miss last week due to unfortunate circumstances.

SPEAKER_00 0:43

Unfortunate circumstances.

SPEAKER_01 0:44

Um we're back this week and excited. We are no longer in a series, so we're just spitballing a day.

SPEAKER_02 0:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 0:53

Um talking about uh something that we think is really relevant because it is, but also because I think it's kind of a niche subject in that a lot of people don't think about it, I think. Um and that's talking about like how would you word it?

SPEAKER_00 1:12

What do we just say like how we talk to kids? Like how do we talk to our kids and how we parent through um kids noticing differences um between like our families, between um like friends and other people that they're encountering in the world and basically realizing that not everyone's the same. Yeah, like that realization and then how that plays out over time too, because I think there's kind of like that initial awareness that somebody's different, you know, that you're different than me. And then over time that just bec you become more and more aware in different ways, right? Um, related to family.

SPEAKER_01 1:51

And if you're not uh if the kid isn't parented and to see that the differences are actually like a beautiful thing, actually a really cool thing, yeah, they can be it can be hard to either be scared or it can be I don't like that person because they're different than me. Right. Or um all these different things. Yeah, so that's why it's important to talk about it because you know, as Christians we're called to love everyone, right? And so if we don't understand how to love people through differences, then it's gonna be really hard to love someone um and not to have this like pre-conceived notion of them or what they should be judgment or what they should be, yeah. Like taking your own expectations into every relationship, um, but realizing that not everyone's gonna meet the expectation and how do you handle those situations? Yeah. So yeah. Um we have actually a funny story.

SPEAKER_00 2:41

Yes, something that came to mind as we were talking about like preparing for this episode. Um, so I'll tell the story. So I remember us being, I don't know if you were there or not. I don't think I was.

SPEAKER_01 2:53

I think I just remember hearing about this.

SPEAKER_00 2:54

Yeah, I think it was just Braden and I, and that's my You were at Ross commercials. We were at TJ Maxx, I think. So we were at TJ Maxx, and um we were how old was Brayden? Oh my goodness. He was like, I want to say, like he was probably like between two and three, maybe. He was young. Um yeah, he was little, like maybe at the oldest four, but I think he was younger than that. So, but we um Braden had like a habit of staring at people, and like he was not like scared off by people's differences. This is another story that's just coming to my mind, I have to say it because it's so funny. Like he would be, I remember going to like the pool at our neighborhood, like our neighborhood pool, and um and he was like still in like a puddle jumper, if you know what that is, like um, you know, like the little thing that goes across their chest and on their arms. So he wasn't even like fully swimming on his own yet. And like there would be like another family there, and he'd just like swim over the other family, and he would just be like listening to them. Well, and the same thing happened at Disneyland or Disney World, wherever we went.

SPEAKER_01 4:05

He like would get lost in other families, curious about other families and kind of gravitate toward them.

SPEAKER_00 4:11

Yeah, and then he would just kind of listen and they're like one of their own.

unknown 4:15

I know.

SPEAKER_00 4:16

We're like friends trying to go like join another family again. But it was just like I could tell he was just really curious about what they were talking about or what they were like or whatever. And he just like so he just like stared a lot at other families, and he also like gravitated toward other people too, and like out of curiosity, I think. And um, so anyway, back to the TJ Maxx story. We were we were in TJ Maxx and pushing him around, and he was looking at this lady, and she was like a little bit older, um, but she wasn't like old, old, but she had gray hair. And so he like was looking at her, and then she like looked at him, and then he said, You grandma. And she got really offended because he said that. And she was like, What'd she say? She said it's not very nice to say that or something like that. Like, she kind of like shamed him about it, and then I was like, I didn't, I didn't, I don't remember saying anything to the lady. I was kind of stunned, and I was like, Oh, let's kind of have a point. I was like, Okay, okay, baby, let's go. Yeah, and um, and so then I had to have a conversation with him about like, you know, I know you were thinking she was a grandma because she had gray hair, and um, but then she didn't like that very much, and so it was like that balancing of like, yes, you notice the difference, and you can tell that to mommy, but maybe it's not polite to do that. Just to say that to someone's face. Someone else. And so anyway, it was just it's just like a funny story, like a funny picture of of how kids just like see things and notice things, and then they like make up their own like interpretation of what that is, and like he wasn't scared of her. In fact, like he probably like felt endeared to her because she looked like a grandma, a grandma. Yeah, usually like I like you, yeah. Yeah, I think he was, but she took it like offense at it.

SPEAKER_01 6:17

Yes, he's like cute grandma.

SPEAKER_00 6:19

So, like I think it's also a good example of like not being able to tolerate uh people noticing differences very well, too. Yeah, and I can't say that I've never been in any kind of similar situation where it was like, okay, you didn't have to say that. I don't know, that was like not great. But um, I feel like for the most part, you know, it's helpful if we can if we can tolerate those kinds of comments and things like that from kids and understand that there's just like a curiosity.

SPEAKER_01 6:52

Yeah, they're just figuring out what this they are understanding and yeah, and we wanted to talk about this too and like the sense of like family dynamics, yeah. Um, because that can be really interesting, like because I remember going to like sleepovers or things like that, and I was just like so weirded out by the way that like other families did things that were so different than ours. Yes. Um like I remember going to like people's houses, and like we didn't have to eat dinner at the table or something, like we could eat it on the couch and just watch YouTube. Yeah, like I remember that. I remember another family like complete opposite, like we had to eat the dinner table and it was like the healthiest food, and I was just like, Yeah, like so they like serve it up for you, so you can't get any more.

SPEAKER_00 7:37

Yes, yes, because you like can only eat whatever was given to you. It was given to you, and it was like the salad, and I was like, I'm hungry, right?

SPEAKER_01 7:44

And that was the worst, I guess. It was the things like that where they also there was also one family that just only drank cranberry juice.

SPEAKER_00 7:53

I was just like, Oh yeah, I had the families like where I remember going to a couple of different friends' houses where I where we had to milk we drank milk with our meals, which I only did that at school, like by force because they didn't give us water in back in the day. It just only gave us milk. So I was like, Well, if I'm thirsty, I've got to drink milk with my green beans and lasagna or whatever. Yeah, exactly. Probably the spaghetti, probably wasn't even lasagna. Um, but yeah, I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_01 8:22

Anyway, or my pizza, my school pizza.

SPEAKER_00 8:24

The ones that baked the pre-made plastic cheese.

SPEAKER_01 8:28

And I just remember, no, I mean, I don't ever remember being like, you guys do things weird. Like I was like accepting of the differences, probably because you guys helped me be like, whatever they do, like you're gonna be respectful and like you know, be kind, um, and just take what and say take what they give you, and then you say thank you. Yeah, kind of thing. Like food-wise, yes, yes. But like the ign I guess what I'm trying to say is you realize that other families are different than yours.

SPEAKER_00 8:55

Yeah. And like what you make of that.

SPEAKER_01 8:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:58

Yeah. And I think sometimes that can be like I mean it can be strange to think about like your own family. Um, like I know that uh it can be it can be like jarring, I guess, for that, you know? Um and being being exposed to other things. Like sometimes it sheds light on like how your family you maybe functions differently, or like, um, and I think about specifically like my friends who whose families they weren't, you know, believers and they, you know, were not part of the kind of um culture that like that I had been raised in, like church wise and stuff. And so um I also remember feeling like very uncomfortable at some sometimes with at different people's houses because it was so it was so different. And then what was really strange is I would sometimes feel like I was doing something wrong by being like in the presence of whatever was happening at my friend's house, you know, like that I was like I felt maybe a little shame about it.

SPEAKER_01 10:06

I felt times where I've been at people's houses when I was younger and I felt wrong just for what I was like wearing, or like different things like that, where I was just like, like I'm just wearing shorts and a t-shirt, but I feel like I'm doing something wrong, you know, or like just like they were much more dressed up or something like that, like all the time and everything was much cleaner, and like I just felt like kind of messy, and I felt like they were like judging me for that, if that makes sense. Cleaner. I know well I'm not saying that we're dirty by any means, but like they were like everything has to be in its certain place, you know. Yeah, we're we're kind of organized, but yeah, but like we oh it's okay. Yeah, we live in our house. We don't just pretend like it's you know an Airbnb or something, you know. Right. Um yeah, but yeah, yeah, like you can't do you can't like move wrong or no, like it's very like stiff and yes, and I feel like the more you like that as a kid, it shows up more in like uh you know, going for sleepovers or like birthday parties and just seeing the different ways that like parents talk to your kids or things like that, and being like, oh that's weird, my mom would never talk to me like that, or like so just different, you know.

SPEAKER_00 11:27

It's so interesting. Like as you're as we're talking about this, and I'm just thinking about like how there is, I mean, and I'm not saying this is wrong by any means, believe me, I have worked with enough people who've been exposed to really, you know, um damaging, dangerous, abusive kind of things going to other people's houses. So I'm not saying that people should let their kids be going and spending the night places, and and there definitely have been times whenever I'm like, I don't feel comfortable letting you do that.

SPEAKER_01 11:59

There were times where you didn't let me sleep over at someone's house. And I remember being devastated. But it's probably a smart move by you. I mean, you didn't know that parent.

SPEAKER_00 12:08

Yeah, I'm like, I don't know, but I mean, but also like now there's I think there's a big movement, especially in like the Christian community, of like nobody ever spends the night ever anywhere or goes to someone else's house. And and so it is just interesting to like to like not see organically how people live, but we s but we're like super exposed online to how people live.

SPEAKER_02 12:32

Right.

SPEAKER_00 12:33

But then it's like so curated, you know, and so it is interesting. It's not I'm not saying it's wrong. I'm just curious about it. I'm just like, I wonder what that like how that's how that plays out in our lives whenever we are, you know, if we're getting into the place of like heavy, heavy um sheltering, like where there's no exposure to differences, yeah. Um, like with our kids and like where we will ultimately be with people to be.

SPEAKER_01 13:05

Because you're you're not willing that like they're learning to that's what I wonder too.

SPEAKER_00 13:09

Yeah, it's I mean, just think about even in like the workforce.

SPEAKER_01 13:12

Like what if you had a boss that completely believed completely different than you? Yeah. Like, but you don't you've never experienced that. Like, what are you gonna do? Right. What is that personal? What's that gonna do? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:22

I mean, and I and like again, it's like there's no no criticism or judgment here. It's just I w I just wonder about it, yeah. About it. And I and and so it's that it is a it's such a hard, um, it's just a hard thing to grapple with, you know, because we have like even like with school and things like that, we've made we've made two different decisions with what we made with you and what we made with Brayden, like to, you know, put Brayden in private school eventually, and we didn't put you in private school eventually, you know, and so but it was like kind of kid dependent. We felt like that was a better, it would be a better situation for him and for you a better fit um to be in public school and have access to this, you know, a lot of AP options and honors and that kind of stuff. For sure. And so it was just I don't know. I'm just thinking about like the, you know, sometimes there's I was gonna say there's um there can be like okay, we're not gonna go to school, you know, with other people, we're not you're not gonna stay at other people's houses, you know, and there can even that can even cause issues with integrating even within the church because there's been like not a lot of exposure.

SPEAKER_01 14:42

Yeah. Yeah. The church is diverse. The church should be diverse, should be diverse, like it's supposed to be. That's all different types of people. Yeah. And you know, we were talking, I'm thinking about our pastor's message this past weekend. And I remember when he did this, uh, when he used the example of the mannequin. Were you in that? Did he talk about it in that? Maybe I maybe he didn't say in your message. Yeah. Um, but he basically used this example of whenever he was a youth pastor, he had brought out this mannequin. I remember this message because the others were like, I just thought it was funny. But uh he had brought out a mannequin and was talking about the body of Christ. And at one point in the message, he just suddenly yanks off the arm. Oh, it's very graphic, very dramatic, very dramatic. And he's like waving and pointing the arm at people and being like, You need to be a part of the body. I know it's hilarious. But basically saying that whenever you uh that the body can't function without the arm, right? Yeah. Um but the arm is very different than the arm is very different than the leg or whatever. Um, and that you're almost doing the body a disservice if you don't attach that arm. And if you're the arm and you don't allow your gifts to be used in the body, then you're staying disconnected, then you're staying disconnected. And so the point of that being that like the church is meant to be so diverse. Yeah. That there are all sorts of different types of people, all sorts of different types of uh ways of thinking, uh cultures, like family cultures, larger community cultures. And if they're all being led by the Lord in the same direction, then they're gonna be really beneficial to the encouragement of the church. Yeah and you know, as the Lord prepares to come back and just like the refining of the bride. Yeah. And so it's just like really interesting to think that they're all supposed to be that way. Um but I feel like there's obviously limits, you know. Yeah, like how do you even expose a kid to other cultures? Yeah. And like there should be, I think there's a healthy, maybe not the word fear, but a healthy caution of like I'm not just gonna let my kid run around. Run around and meet whoever go to everybody's gonna go. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:09

Yeah. We're definitely not saying that. No, that's that's the that's that would not be safe.

SPEAKER_01 17:13

That would not be safe, and that's all through the the leading of the Holy Spirit, like and what you should experience or what your kid should experience and what he shouldn't. Um, I remember hearing this story. This more applies to just like allowing the Lord to lead you in with certain kids in certain ways. I remember I heard this podcast, I don't even remember who it was. It might have been Jenny Allen, okay, where she was talking about like parenting her kid um in a different way, and sh he had like done something bad at school one day, and she'd picked him up and he was like the kid was like really dejected, like obviously expecting to get in trouble. Yeah. Um and she took him out to dinner and got him a huge cake. And he was like, I don't know why you're giving me this cake. He was he was a young kid, and she was like, 'cause we're celebrating that this is the day that there's gonna be change. Oh wow. And because she had felt like the Lord just wanted her to like celebrate with him that there's gonna be a difference now, like you're not going to do those things anymore. Like like basically putting like a belief in the kid that like I believe that you're not gonna do like encouragement, you know. Um, which I thought was really, really cool. And that's that's kind of stuck with me. And just like, yeah, if you allow the Lord to let you it lead you in different ways, yeah, then he's going to like yeah, and create he's so creative, like getting a kid a a cake, yeah, whenever he gets in trouble, but being like that's really interesting.

SPEAKER_00 18:50

Yeah, you know what I'm saying? Right. Yeah, and leading you you in uniquely for your child and what your child needs or doesn't need, and um, I think that's really really important. And yeah, he will. And I'd say like that's that would be the first, that's all I mean, I know it's such like the Christian answer, but it's like be prayerful about what your children are or aren't exposed to, and then understand and like realize the truth of that we are meant to be diverse within the body of Christ, and that Jesus, you know, doesn't um I think it's in John. I'm so like sometimes some that when Jesus prays for unity among the body, um, you know, he prays for unity, not sameness. And if you even look among his disciples, like very, very different and even sometimes in conflict with each other, like actually kind of often in conflict with some some of them, um, but they are they're just they're diverse people. They are come from different backgrounds, they have different professions and um, you know, different functions. And I just I think we see that among that um relationship with his disciples and understanding like you are not like what we have in common is our um, you know, our desire to please God and um and to follow him. And so that brings us to a common place, but it does we don't lose our differences entirely, like we don't lose our diversity. Um, and I feel like that's just been I'm saying that word, and I I know like for some people it's like that's become like a like a dirty word or something, like that diversity. It's been lumped into this thing that's like you know, political. And the truth is is that God did make us all different, he made us diverse, made us unique, and that's because that's attached to the purpose that he has for our lives, and and so we want our kids to be able to appreciate like you are different, and your friend is different than you, and your teacher is different than you, and they have differ and their families are different, and um Okay, yeah, I found the scripture that you're talking about.

SPEAKER_01 21:07

Um it's in John 17. It says, verse 20, it says, I do not ask this is Jesus' Jesus' prayer um before he is uh arrested, which is really interesting. But it says, I do not ask for these only, but also for those who believe in me through their word, that they all that they may all be one, just as you, Father, are in me, and I in you, that they also may be in us, so that the world may believe that you have sent me. The glory that you have given me, I have given to them, that they may be one, even as we are one, I and them, and you and me, that they may become perfectly one, so that the world may know that you sent me and loved them even as you loved me. Which is really interesting, 'cause he's praying he's praying that we would become one, that the body would become one so that the Lord would be glorified, because it's uncommon. Yeah. That people are unified. Like he's acknowledging that this is something holy. Like this is something that's um impossible without me. Honestly, like the unification of the spirit that unifies all of us.

SPEAKER_00 22:14

This is only possible.

SPEAKER_01 22:15

This is only possible through the Holy Spirit. And and abiding. Because he just talked about abiding two chapters before. Yeah. You know, and he's and he's saying it again. He's talking about abiding that that he is in he is in the Father, and the Father is in him, so that we may be in them. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:33

Which is so good. Yeah.

unknown 22:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:36

And he's in some versions, I think it talks about unity among believers. Yeah. And um, and then there's also this, there's there's an intent that the whole world knows, that we all, that everyone is heard. Right. And so the the um desire of God is that we that everyone would come to repentance. I mean, that everyone, and in the end, it will be every knee will bow, every tongue will confess. And that's people who are like us, people who are different, people who ha come from different families and backgrounds and cultures, and but that we all come together and are unified in the body, yeah, like within the body and within the relationship that we've found in Jesus.

SPEAKER_01 23:19

Which just like emphasizes like the need to be able to be with people who are different than us because how can we show the love of Jesus if we're so unwilling, yeah, or if we're so fearful, a fearful, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:32

There's a fear, yeah, or even um even a disgust or a um or a hatred, you know. Um and that's and I think those that like seeing the differences in people, you know, like that I'm and loving them anyway, yeah. Seeing the differences in loving them, loving them anyway, and that we would be obedient to the spirit. And so teaching our kids to be, you know, even obedient to the spirit, because when they become believers, like if we're, you know, our hope is that you know, all all of the children of the people who are listening that their children would come to Christ and that they would be become part of the body of Christ. And when they do that, it is um the spirit of God comes to live inside of them.

SPEAKER_02 24:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:18

And so no matter what age they are, they have they do have the Holy Spirit and they have access, um, the same as any any of our other brothers and sisters in Christ, in Christ. And so um I would, you know, even teaching them to listen to the voice of the spirit um as they're getting older, as they're growing up, and you know, like let's I'm gonna, you know, like I will pray about that. I will, I will, um, you know, or whenever you don't have a good feeling about it, be like, listen, I I just don't think this is what you need to do. I don't feel like this is a good person for you to be hanging out with right now, you know, but we can pray for them. Like we can, we can pray, you know. I have I have uh faith in God that He can make a change in this friend that you're wanting to spend time with that I don't feel great about you spending time with because of, you know, various things and and just following the voice of the spirit, but letting our kids know like that we are we are not there to um to degrade anyone, we're not there to say that they're not good enough, um, to judge anyone, but to simply say, like, you know, this is uh, you know, this is maybe not safe. And so sometimes we have the safety issues coming up, but like, can we appreciate the differences? Can we have compassion? Can we have grace? Can we even love the differences? Yeah, you know, and show our kids how we can love differences. And sometimes this looks like also having like diverse friends, like having a diverse community.

SPEAKER_02 25:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:57

You know, I I I think that it's like we should challenge ourselves if we're if we are only spending time with people, if we only have community with people who are exactly of the same race or culture or um like socioeconomic status or, you know, education level, um, age, like you're, you know, like that's what part of the beauty of the body of Christ and being part of a local church is that you have the opportunity to actually create relationships with people of, you know, that are very different than you. Yeah. And so, you know, leading leading your child into into those spaces where you have this diversity, I think is really a beautiful thing. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:45

That's so good. Are there any like practicals like for just teaching children how to accept differences? The only the first thought I had was like children's books. Like Yeah, they're definitely great children's books. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 27:01

Exposing them to different kinds of cultures and people through through the books, you know, and like obviously, like I think read the book first, yeah, you know, make sure that it's appropriate and that it's you know, that it's not um sometimes when unfortunately the sex the secular world has has um embraced diversity a lot more than the church, yeah, which is convicting. Um, but they've embraced that then also embraced it in a way that's not biblical, right?

SPEAKER_01 27:31

Right. They've embraced making sure that it's not unbiblical right.

SPEAKER_00 27:36

So looking at foundations in the children's book. Yeah, how can we how can we be like, you know, or being like, you know, aren't isn't I you they notice a difference, like, isn't that beautiful? Isn't that beautiful how that's different?

SPEAKER_01 27:49

Isn't that cool how God made them like that?

SPEAKER_00 27:51

Yeah, God made them special like that and pointing out the beauty and the differences. Yes, like if they seem, you know, we don't have to be scared of differences, you know, just talking them through. Um exposing them, talking them through it to expose them to different um groups of people. Um, you know, if you have the opportunity to travel or to to read books or um watch, you know, documentaries or things that are educational about um different cultures and and then just to having those discussions, like talking about it um and and encouraging them to be curious versus um judgmental, you know.

SPEAKER_01 28:33

Yeah, that's so good.

SPEAKER_00 28:35

Yeah, all right. Well, I think good good combo.

SPEAKER_01 28:40

I think good combo too.

SPEAKER_00 28:42

Yeah, like it. We do have um some special guests that are gonna be coming up in new episodes. Um and so we'll we will be putting more info out on social media about upcoming episodes.

unknown 28:56

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 28:56

And um we hope that you follow us. If you don't already, we're on YouTube, on Instagram, um, and then anywhere you can get your podcasts, we're out there.

SPEAKER_01 29:07

And if you answered the QA that we posted on Instagram, don't worry. We're gonna answer. We're getting there. We're getting questions. We have some specific people in mind to answer some of the questions. Yeah, we do.

SPEAKER_00 29:18

Take care of it. And and if you have more yes, yeah, yeah, if you have more um things you want to hear about. Yep, anything.

SPEAKER_01 29:25

Yeah, we're good. All right, so we will see you guys next time. All right. Bye.